Monday, September 19, 2011 | By: Angela Brown

What's Your "A"bility and the Worst Movies Ever Blogfest

Writing is an ever-journey.  There's no real place that you can sit down and say, "I have arrived."  At least if you do, you won't sit there long if you intend to have a lasting career.

Write the novel>edit the novel>get some critique on it>rewrite based on responses and balancing that with staying true to your writer's voice so you don't end up with a carbon copy of someone else's story (being very similar is to be expected but if everything is the exact same as another book out there...may have to reconsider a few things)>query agents/editors OR prepare for e-publishing formatting and book cover design>get agent/publisher>build platform and market>work on next book (if you haven't already begun this during one of the previous steps)> then repeat, working hard so the next book comes out just as good as, if not better than, the last.

This doesn't mean you should despair.  Instead, work on your "A" bilities.

Be an "A"mbassador - No one knows your novel better than you.  Strike up a fun conversation about what you do.  You never know who you may run into and how you and a new friend can help each other.

Be "A"ssertive - To do this, you must believe in your work.  Just make sure you don't drop off the -ertive and bray at those most helpful to you.  Donkeys tend to have prickly masters that run them into the ground. (If you own a donkey and treat that darling well, then this is not meant for you.)

"A"nchor yourself with good friends and family that believe in you and, at the same time, can and will keep you grounded.  It is important to believe in yourself, yet the support of those that matter can tilt the scales in your favor of dealing well with those who can't seem to do anything but seek to destroy others.  Plus, the writing world is like the vast ocean.  The currents are strong and can take you through lots of lonely,empty places if you un-tether yourself from a trust worthy base.

While you work on your "A" list, I'd like to point out a few movies that made me want to get my money back or demand the gods return that time to me - which never happened, of course.  There are so many other Worst Movies Ever (follow the blog hop to see what others have to say), but I wanted to go with the few that stuck out with me.  Maybe some others were so bad I swept them into that round filing cabinet in my mind where all useless things eventually go to die.  Thanks to Alex Cavanaugh for putting this together.

Here they are, in no ranking order:
1. Kazaam - Why?  Really?  I have no words.
2. Leprechaun - Couldn't they have just left Lucky Charms alone?  Jennifer Aniston's presence is probably the only redeeming quality of this film.
3. Showgirls - The movie was the definition of trying too hard.  The main character must have really wanted, BADLY, to slough off her Saved by the Bell image.  This travesty is the end result.
4. Eragon - I add this one grudgingly, mainly because I thought Rachel Weisz was a great voice for Saphira but the choppy way things happened in the movie irked me.  The scene where the Razac were called forth, I was like, "Uh, no, that can't be it."  Because I read the book, I could tell WAAAAY too much was skipped for the sake of putting it into a two hour film.  I was so heartbroken that I went home and cried for a brief moment over my book, then tossed it back on the shelf in a rather brat-like manner.  Very childish for a grown woman, but man was I upset.  I got over my anger and still bought the fracking DVD because I loved the book so much.  Talk about a love-hate relationship :-)
5. Baby Boy - Tyrese is so dog gone sexy it's ridiculous but this movie is not his crown and glory.  The attempts at 'hood abstract" were overdone like a turkey cooked 10 hours too long...and just as dry and brittle.  Again, this one had the choppy feel to it as well.
6. Soul Plane - I cringed through the whole movie, not what I expected since I was hoping for something funny to happen...and it didn't happen.  There were lots of comedic performers, but instead of pulling off a stereotype-filled hilarity (a good example of this that worked for me is Undercover Brother), Soul Plane was a train wreck.
***I just noticed a person both of my last two movies have in common:  Snoop Dogg.  Hmmm...***
7. Meet the Spartans - I LOVED 300, so I thought, "Cool,  a good spoof on that would be fun."  I happen to like spoofs, when they are done well.  This one...NOT.  Can't imagine what they were thinking.
8. Miami Vice - As  a fan of the TV show "Miami Vice", perhaps my expectations were too high.  When I finally got a chance to watch it, I saw them drive, then mumble, then drive some more, then mumble some more, make love with someone, then drive a speed boat and mumble some more.  Perhaps if they would have chosen a different title and not passed it off as Miami Vice, I would have gone into it with a mind for something else.  But it was billed as Crockett and Tubbs  and that is what we got in name only.
9. Batman and Robin - As much as I love the Batman franchise, I really could have done without this one.  I felt like I'd fallen into some meth head's freakish neon nightmare, restrained to my theater seat by the money I'd already paid for the ticket and popcorn and drink and my loyalty to Batman.  I don't think I can do that to myself ever again.  I forgave them and moved on to other Batman titles, but good grief, was someone on PCP when this was going through post-production, because, honestly, it shouldn't have made it that far.
A couple of movies I want to mention, though I haven't watched them myself, are Glitter, The Happening and Gigli.  I don't think I've spoken to a person about any of these movies without their lips curling into some disgusted  look like I'd cursed them.  There's something about the movies, mainly the lack of acting, that everyone comments on.

So, do you have a worst movie ever that you can think of?  Do you see one here that you agree or disagree with?  If so, please comment.  Perhaps you have an "A"bility you'd like to mention.  Please feel free to comment on that as well :-)


Natalie Aguirre said...

Great post. But darn it, I want to be able to say "I arrived." Oh well, I'll keep working on all my "A"'s.

And I didn't love Eragon either.

Angelina Rain said...

Out of all the movies you mentioned, I have only seen one of them and that's Glitter. I watched all of 30 minutes of it and fell asleep. It sucked!

I'm glad I didn't watch any of the others.

Maria Zannini said...

Your A list says it all in a nutshell.

Ref: movies
From this list, I only saw Eragon. It was a movie I wanted to love, but they goofed big time.

Sangu said...

Some great choices here! Eragon truly was abysmal. I managed to get through it to the end because of Rachel Weisz and Jeremy Irons, though.

Dafeenah said...

Fortunately I haven't seen any of those. I read the book Eragon and avoided the movie for the very same reason you hated it. I knew I wouldn't like it. I always avoid movies of books I love. Great list!

julie fedderson said...

Showgirls was on my list, too! And I had forgotten about the horrible disappointment that was Miami Vice. I think TV should stay TV--the transition to cinema never goes well. Except maybe for the Brady Bunch. Love you (A)ttitude, lady!

E.R. King said...

I enjoyed reading your "A" list. It's dead on!
As for your movie choices, I haven't seen some of them, but I did see parts of Glitter. It truly was awful.

Nadja Notariani said...

Love your 'A' list! Angela, I may have to link back to your blog again if you keep writing these terrific posts! Hope you're having a great start to your week. (And yes, maybe your Chipmunk will be a MENSA member...:) ~ Nadja

Talli Roland said...

I haven't seen any of these films, thank goodness! :)

Happy Monday!

Angela Brown said...

@ Natalie – It would be nice to sit in a sci-fi future where you could reach a point where all you had to do was let some mind machine translate your thoughts into a manuscript and have auto marketing and auto sales. But, then, what’s the real fun in that LOL!!

@ Angelina – I think the only people who liked that movie are the people who starred in it.

@ Maria – Agreed. They lacked so much that, as you can clearly tell, it left a bad impression with me.

@ Sangu – Jeremy Irons was certainly a redeeming quality of that movie.

@ Dafeenah – I should probably try your tactic. I keep being a glutton for punishment, going to the movies hoping they will at least half-way transition properly.

@ Julie – I enjoyed Brady Bunch as well. They did well with the humor angle.

@ E.R. – Poor Glitter. I kept help wondering if there wasn’t some point that somebody with a good working set of eyes didn’t see the writing on the wall so they could prevent this disaster from ever hitting the screens.

@ Nadja – Please feel free to link back to any of my posts. That’s what it’s all about: sharing and discussing. I hope your week is starting wonderfully as well. And I appreciate the mention about “Fibbin for a Livin”. That really made me smile.

@ Talli – that means you spent your time on something more productive, like watching paint dry. :-)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Don't worry - enough of us have suffered through The Happening for you!
Thanks for participating in the blogfest.

Budd said...

doesnt kicking britney spears into the pit help meet the spartans a little.

Angela Brown said...

@ Alex - Glad to participate. Made me realize there were and are some really sucky movies out there, even the successful ones.

@ Budd - LOL!!! That would have helped me had I not tuned out the movie from shortly after the beginning.

The Golden Eagle said...

I liked Saphira in the movie of Eragon, too, and I agree it was disappointing that they cut so much out of it.

baygirl32 said...

Great List

Alleged Author said...

"Writing is an ever-journey. There's no real place that you can sit down and say, "I have arrived." At least if you do, you won't sit there long if you intend to have a lasting career."

Truer words were never spoken!

Angela Brown said...

@ Golden Eagle - I understood the reasoning in a "money matters" fashion. But as someone who loved the book, it through me for a terrible loop.

@ baygirl32 - Thanks so much for visiting :-)

@ Alleged - sign me up for the "intend to have a lasting career". Aw well, no rest for humbly "A"mbitious.

Jennie Bailey said...

I went back and forth on Miami Vice, but in the end it didn't make my list. It was certainly in the running. And Kazaam? My stepson used to LOVE that movie. I can't tell you how many times we had to watch it. Then the tape got lost. Hmmmm, never did find it. :-)

Angela Brown said...

LOL!!! Too cute. Just couldn't find it again. Aww...the things we'll watch to see our kids smile.

Anonymous said...

The Happening was suspenseful, but it didn't work for me.

Batman and Robin is also on my list of worst movies.

Ciara said...

I couldn't stand Gigli. I think that was the WORST movie, ever. :)

Angela Brown said...

@ Medeia - I think that is the best thing I've heard for The Happening.

@ Ciara - LOL!!! Yeah, I checked quite a few blogs and most had Gigli on there.

Pat Hatt said...

Yes Gigili was complete crap and how I loathe Batman and Robin, great list of completle and utter crap.

Angela Brown said...

Hello Pat - yeah, Gigli is apparently one of THE worst movies ever made.

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

Great list, Angela. I really did't like Showgirls, Meet The Spartans (on my list too) and Eragon. The last one disappointed me so much especially because I enjoy Christopher Paolini books so much.

Angela Brown said...

You know Angela, I think there was such great hope for Eragon because of the book. When the movie came out and it was - ahem - below expectations, that was just painful.

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