Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tears of a Clown
I could choose to stay home, neglect my debts and say to heck with my credit, let it tumble into the tank (it's still reeling from a divorce 4 years ago so it's hanging by a thread lol!!!). However, I like having shelter, albeit a small humble apartment. I enjoy being able to eat--yes I have a jolly waistline--and enjoying more than Raman noodles. Also, I have a kiddo who deserves the best that I can give her. Which, as a single mother, means working a paying full time gig and squeezing in what I'd like as my career part-time. This frustrates me.
I mean a whole lot.
There are times I'm at work, going through the motions, wishing I could work on my novel. But keeping a steady paycheck is too important, so important that I sometimes think maybe I should face reality, give up this dream. Work doing what I can. Maybe dream some other time in life.
Then I look at my daughter and wonder, "Would I tell her to dream some other time in life?"
Bells No! I'd tell her to go for her dream and do my best to support her in the pursuit of it.
But there are times this gets really hard. I suppose that's why finding a better balance for me is such an important task. My kiddo is my all. I can't shove her aside, neglect her altogether. She would grow to dislike my pursuit...and I wouldn't blame her.
I know we all face struggles, obstacles, really big mountains that we wish were molehills. Each writer has his or her own difficulties. I try my best not to wallow in my own, just a little hard sometimes.
I mean seriously, I don't think I could express how hard.
Okay. The smile isn't gone, just waned a bit by my 'reality bites' moment. I just have to remember that every journey begins with a step, a story with a word and a pursuit with a dream.
I am Angela Brown, an aspiring author. Despite my insecurities, I am in Pursuit to Publishness.
What about you? Any obstacles you'd like to air out?